The Christian Home

by:  Dr. Tony Smart

The home is the place where basic training for life should take place. It is an understatement to declare that the training one receives while being raised in a home will determine his fundamental value system heading into adulthood. Whatever character traits were instilled in him as a child by his parents will make a marked impression upon the person that he ultimately chooses as a spouse, as well those individuals with which he must interact. The same is true if there was an absence of training and the wrong values or moral standards were adopted. As Christians we are supposed to be light in the midst of spiritual darkness, and our families are to be integral building blocks of God’s church. This study is concerned with the establishment of a home whose foundation and values would imitate the godly pattern revealed in Scripture. I pray that your home will be strengthened as you read and consider this lesson. 

Marriage and the family

It was the LORD God who made the observation that it was not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18). The term ‘meet’ means fit or suitable. Eve was created to be a helper and companion for Adam. Since she was taken out of Adam and received her soul from Adam’s God, when God introduced her to Adam there would be an immediate bond established between the man and the woman unlike anything that could have been experienced before in the universe. (see Genesis 1:21-25). The New Testament elevates marriage to a level in which it is compared to the relationship that exists between Christ and the church: 

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 

Ephesians 5:25-28.

Based upon the Biblical text we must state that marriage should be:

1.  

Only between a man and a woman.

2. The couple should be saved.

Why did God permit the practice of polygamy?

It is important to note that the king of Israel was instructed in the Law not to take many wives (Deuteronomy 17:17). The warning was that multiple wives would turn away his heart from serving the LORD. The conflicts that would arise from a polygamous marriage would have a negative effect upon the family. This was evident in the family of Abraham (Genesis 21:9-11), Jacob (Genesis 29:30, 30:1-2, 37:1-4), David (1 Kings 1:1-37), and Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-4). Men who practiced polygamy were following their own fleshly lusts, but at no time in Scripture do we find that God encouraged polygamy.

The New Testament Standard for Marriage.

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

    Mathew 19:4-6.

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Hebrews 13:4

With the fuller revelation of God in Jesus Christ given in the New Testament, men are without excuse when it comes to upholding the marriage covenant. The word ‘cleave’ means to hold fast or to glue together. The level of intimacy between a man and his wife ought to be so close that no mere mortal could ever come between them to rob the affection that one should display towards the other. With the divorce rate as high in the professing Christian church as it is outside the church, I believe it is obvious that part of the message of the church is being destroyed by the proliferation of broken homes.

Since the church is the body of Christ, I believe it is prudent to view a church family as one of its many systems. It is an essential component that contributes to the health of the greater organism that is the local church. The Christian home ought to be a place where there is love, joy, peace, and abundant grace, the closest thing to Heaven on earth. It can be that way when each family member accepts his established role.

THE MAN

The Husband: We should note that this term originally meant ‘master of the house.’ Now before we men become too excited and pompous, remember that the command to husbands was to ‘love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it’ (Ephesians 5:25).

When a man marries, his wife becomes the most important person walking on the face of the earth to him. From the moment he vows to love, cherish, and be faithful in all things he is bound before God to fulfill his promise. He may have agreed to do this until death, but realistically, he was probably ignorant about the challenges of life process, and very few men enter into marriage with adequate training on how to be a good husband. A man who desires to be a good ‘head’ over a woman must receive ongoing HLT (Husband Leadership Training) if he is going to become good at his position and please his wife while he is leading his wife. Since romance and passion are insufficient to keep a marriage together long term, he must develop good communication skills with his wife, he must learn patience, be gallant, gentle, and generous. His money and wealth must be shared with his wife. He must continue to demonstrate admiration for her, and attraction to her many years after the ‘honeymoon’ period comes to a close. If he must correct her, it should be done with tenderness. He is to protect his woman from harm of all sorts, physical, spiritual, and emotional; and if something does get through to hurt her, he is to be the friend and confidant that will help her get through the difficulty. Much of his time is spent making his wife feel secure.  

The Father: As fathers men are responsible for the proper training of children.

                Ephesians 6:4 states:

And ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

A good question might be: How may a father provoke his child to wrath? A sure way to do this is by neglecting to adequately take care of the child; another way is by failing to adequately train the child. The term ‘nurture’ in our text has to do with discipline, which is an important duty of the father. Rules established for children do work, but rules without a loving relationship between the child and either parent may lead to rebellion in the child. A father then must take time to engage his children in meaningful activities and conversation. The other word we must note is the word ‘admonition’ which means instruction. The father is to teach things to his kids that will build character in them. A good father is a provider, protector, instructor, disciplinarian, counselor, and listener. His presence in the home and leadership in raising the children is crucial to the proper development of his children.

THE WOMAN

The wife: She is to be the assistant manager of the home, helping her husband to succeed in his life work. The scripture states that her duty is to ‘submit to her own husband’ (Ephesians 5:22), ‘to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.’ (Titus 2:4-5) . . . and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:33) In today’s culture, some ladies misunderstand the meaning of Biblical submission. Submission has to do with willingly complying with the requests of one’s authority. The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1Corinthians 11:3) According to the Word of God a Christian wife finds her greatest fulfillment as a person and at the same time glorifies God by honoring her husband’s leadership. This is one extremely important reason that a mate must be chosen carefully. It is much easier for a woman to honor a man whom she respects. The wife is also to provide intelligent companionship for her husband. She is to be his faithful intimate friend and cooperate with him as he seeks to fulfill his life’s objectives. She is not to be his competitor and must never betray his trust. If she deems criticism is needed of his actions, she must take care to do this privately. The spiritual woman is quite comfortable being feminine, but she is not a feminist. She does not need to lead her husband; indeed she has no desire to do so. She is at peace with him and knows that she is just as valuable in the sight of God as her husband and does not feel inferior in her role. Indeed, the influence she exerts while operating in her role is immensely beneficial to the entire family.  

The mother: If honey had personality it would be mom. She is usually the parent with whom the children first bond. She is her child’s first teacher and should love them unconditionally. A godly mother sees the importance of training her children to sincerely know and love God at an early age. The apostle Paul remarked that Timothy was influenced by the faith that his grandmother and mother possessed (2 Timothy 1:5). It was the female parent that had the greater spiritual input in Timothy’s life, and so it is today with many. However, the God of the Bible did not institute a ‘matriarchal’ society in which women dominate. A mother is to provide affection, discipline, guidance, domestic training, and instruction. Like Samuel’s mother, Hannah, she may seek to dedicate her children to serve God with their life. (1 Samuel 1:20-28) Her part in raising the children is equally as important as the father, and in his absence she is in charge of the home.  

         The Children

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

       Psalm 127:3

Children that are born to Christian parents do not automatically become Christians. They must be born again, just like you and I. The father and mother can create an atmosphere that is filled with love and the joy of the Lord so that as soon as the child becomes old enough to choose right from wrong, he will choose to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved (Acts 16:31). I strongly believe in evangelizing children. The Lord Jesus taught:

Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

  Luke 18:16

And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

        2 Timothy 3:15

When should the parent begin to evangelize his child? I believe the process of communicating the Gospel ought to begin in the first year of life. The child may receive Christ by faith as young as five years of age. The rest of the childhood years should be spent discipling the child for Christ. This involves active Biblical instruction imparted by the parent as well as the Sunday School teacher, and the pastor or youth pastor. This would establish the ‘training up’ (Proverbs 22:6) that Solomon wrote about. We want the child to learn the fear of the LORD which is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7). This training will cultivate a taste for making right choices when it comes to life’s most important decisions. It will also lead your child in a path away from evil living. Play interactive games with your children and encourage them to exercise their judgment skills. (Hebrews 5:14) Introduce them to good reading materials, and provide for a godly education. Attend church services with them and have devotions at home with them. By doing this you teach them to cherish eternal things.

The teen years: These do not have to be disastrous. They may actually be fun, but I guarantee that they will be challenging. The admonishment for teens is to:

Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

2Timothy 2:22

With the onset of puberty it may seem like your little darling has mutated into a different creature. Some parents abandon the training process at this point and begin to treat their children like adults and give them adult privileges. In some cases communication breaks down and the child and the parents begin to quarrel with each other. The teen may become rebellious and seek to challenge the parent’s authority. This is nothing but the fallen flesh, now fueled by newly injected hormones, controlling the teen. This is the time for the parents to remain actively involved with their sons and daughters. Maintaining open communication with a teen is not difficult if the proper foundation of love, caring, and respect was laid in the pre-teen years. There is no need to lose your son or daughter to the streets, drugs, alcohol, or promiscuity simply because they turn thirteen. What you will have to do is PRAY MORE and EXAMINE YOURSELF. Then be prepared to love those teenagers as much as you loved them as infants. Exercise discipline fairly, but be firm. Only set rules that you are prepared to enforce consistently. Monitor their friendships and associations. Continue to have family devotions. If you honor the Word of God in your home the God of the Word will honor you.

The Value of Your Christian Family

The value of your Christian family lies in its demonstration of God’s grace and wisdom operating through its members. In a world that has lost its moral scale, a united family in Christ is a witness that God’s Word is true and that it works when it is applied. Malachi 2:15 tells us that God desires a godly seed. When God’s people care enough to train their children with standards of righteousness, God blesses the home with joy and peace. Much evil is kept away from a family that is consecrated to serve God. Young men and women that are raised with godly standards are better equipped to overcome the temptations of this world; they are also likely to be better socially adjusted, and responsible citizens. The parent that cares about the future generations understands that the training he gives his sons and daughters will also affect his grandchildren, therefore he instills values in his kids that are tried and proven. When God was about to judge the world in the days of Noah, He gave grace to one man and his family (Genesis 6:8-18). It was Noah’s faith in the Word of God that enabled him to lead his family to live above the standards of the fallen culture of his day and save them from destruction. Likewise Christian parent, your faith in God’s truth that cannot fail, will enable you to secure the grace that is needed to lead your family to take a stand for what is right.